Civility and good will

nightanole

Chameleon Enthusiast
So I consider my veiled Petco brat a "rescue". It was definitely an impulse but and I was not prepared for the learning and supplies and research I needed to do. But I got ready fast...

Zaphod wasn't rescued from Petco, but from the visible stress being caused by a much larger male in the same small box. I removed him from that environment. Yes, they replaced him with another soon after, I'm sure, but it was my purchase that led me to find this community.

I knew that I would have to learn a lot and I didn't ignore the advice I received. Bottom line is a few rude or blunt comments then could have turned me off from the site and who knows. It just isn't OK to act like that and to justify it for any reasons.
Yea you are better off without a back story. "i have a cham and need help". And thats the end of it. I find it odd that the "help" changes based on the back story.
 

JacksJill

Chameleon Enthusiast
I know no one on here is saying go buy chameleons at Pet(blank) they are well taken care of and the company is doing great things for the specie(s). We all agree they suck.
I totally get the impulse to save the individual. I just know for me I can't save them all that way. I do understand though.
Yea you are better off without a back story. "i have a cham and need help". And thats the end of it. I find it odd that the "help" changes based on the back story.
Really you think it affects the advise? or does it just get things sidetracked? I'd agree with that assessment.
 

Lennoncham

Chameleon Enthusiast
I think we are starting to get the issue confused a bit. We all have to remember where we started in this. We didn’t know how bad petsmart was to their chams until we learned from others on this site. Just like the new people coming here don’t know. They are just excited they have a new Cham or they are freaking out because the Cham is all of a sudden sick even though they did what petsmart/ co said. I think we need to just focus on giving people advice and let them figure out that the big box stores are bad. If your on here long enough you will find all the posts about them.
 

Decadancin

Moderatoris Americanus
Staff member
Not sure if you mean me? I never went after anyone for buying from them.
Nope,

Not directed at anyone...

I'm saying if there were rude comments as my first experience I might have left quickly. My purchase was a rescue in my opinion, but it does add to the problem of supporting the big boxes. And yes, I will not do that again. But now I have many resources to choose from and great breeders to support.
 

Kristen Wilkins

Chameleon Enthusiast
I know no one on here is saying go buy chameleons at Pet(blank) they are well taken care of and the company is doing great things for the specie(s). We all agree they suck.
I totally get the impulse to save the individual. I just know for me I can't save them all that way. I do understand though.

Really you think it affects the advise? or does it just get things sidetracked? I'd agree with that assessment.
It would save the anger it creates , more straightforward advice would be given .
 

Decadancin

Moderatoris Americanus
Staff member
I know no one on here is saying go buy chameleons at Pet(blank) they are well taken care of and the company is doing great things for the specie(s). We all agree they suck.
I totally get the impulse to save the individual. I just know for me I can't save them all that way. I do understand though.

Really you think it affects the advise? or does it just get things sidetracked? I'd agree with that assessment.
I think it is often the tone the advice can take. That can cause the new member to miss out on the real issues and feel attacked. They likely will leave.
 

nightanole

Chameleon Enthusiast
Really you think it affects the advise? or does it just get things sidetracked? I'd agree with that assessment.
I think it removes 5-6 posts of bickering back and forth over if you "rescued" it or not, or how you shouldnt support "blank pet shop". That isnt advice and doesnt help the OP out. Then again there might be 5-6 posts of bickering just trying to get OP to fill out the care sheet.

I dont care where you got it from or if you think you rescued it, im not here to justify/judge your purchase, i just want to know your dam cage setup for the love of pete.
 

Lennoncham

Chameleon Enthusiast
I think it is often the tone the advice can take. That can cause the new member to miss out on the real issues and feel attacked. They likely will leave.
We seen this brought up on another thread recently. We all see people coming here with new chams from big box stores. They post one thread people focus on the fact it was from a box store and the op stops posting and doesn’t come back.
 

Decadancin

Moderatoris Americanus
Staff member
So this brings up another hot topic. The Help form...

Perhaps this could be on another thread so this doesn't get off topic, but here goes...

The health form should not be treated as a requirement. It does help us with information vital to the best advice, but we often come across as not willing to help if they don't fill out our questions.

I am working on a better version of the form that is going to be more user friendly and guide them to the desired info. I am very excited for this, but still don't think it should be required. New members need to learn the Forums and how things work. Hopefully they cooperate and give us what we need so we can help.
 

Kristen Wilkins

Chameleon Enthusiast
I also think it’s how willing the op is to make changes if changes need to be made most do , how fast they get on vet needs etc ,Though that can’t be judged always some are kids and they only can do with what’s given .

I personally never got slack but I do believe it was because I made the necessary changes with in 24 hours of being told to . she already had a vet appointment set up as well . I had researched for 2 years my plan was for a panther . We had not planned for her or any chameleon for at least a year . I believe my first post was is she a he . Of course Petsmart said she was a he . From what I had red she was a she but did not have experience to argue . It was quickly confirmed she was indeed a she . From there I reached out to Jann and a few others that are no longer here .
 

JacksJill

Chameleon Enthusiast
I personally don't give a rats patoot where they got it except as an aspect of its history. I agree its current care is more important. When I'm consoling them later it's good to be able to tell them that there was likely nothing they could do to save it because of the damage the pet store did to it and the bad information the store gave them.

I think we over use the form but it helps sooo much. I think it is overwhelming to have to fill all that out not knowing if doing so will get you any help. Another thing I do is give the OP some information that is a direct answer to their question. Once they believe there is help for them here it is easier for them to believe their effort won't be wasted.
 

Beman

Chameleon Enthusiast
Its likely me @KobaOregonherper referring too , I was fairly short , sounded like a B**** .
Well I know you. You have an amazing heart. I think we have a lot of daily stress and we come here and it is easy to let our anger out here. After all we are in the world of text. I get frustrated to. Trust me there have been some threads where I have to walk away. Or I just stay out of them all together for my sanity.
 

Beman

Chameleon Enthusiast
New member here. I did plenty of research for one year before buying a chameleon, and still found it inadequate , despite multiple I think reputable websites (much ado about chameleons was one) and recommended books. I admit to perusing articles here for years prior to posting anything, because due to my experience on other forums (dendroboard especially) things can get harsh pretty quickly. I really knew I was putting myself out there for criticism when I finally put out my first (and only but very long) post.

Things I have learned: there are still differing opinions on many details of chameleon care. This makes it harder for any non-expert like myself honestly trying to do the right thing. Also, sometimes there is a normal human reaction to turn one’s frustration about the inability to have the answer around on the OP. I am a physician and I have noticed this tendency in doctors as well. If we can’t figure out the answer, it must be the patient’s fault. Its a defense mechanism. I find just being aware of this helps me (hopefully) to never do it.

Anyway, just my 2 cents. I have found this forum to be helpful and I will continue to come back despite my feelings getting hurt once, which may have been exacerbated by months of worry and emotional attachment to my chameleon, and my desparate situation (left without any help from vets).
Well don't leave. We are here for you. And if we say something you don't understand ask us to expand on it. We are all guilty of putting things into short terms. But we all really want you here. :)
 

Kristen Wilkins

Chameleon Enthusiast
I personally don't give a rats patoot where they got it except as an aspect of its history. I agree its current care is more important. When I'm consoling them later it's good to be able to tell them that there was likely nothing they could do to save it because of the damage the pet store did to it and the bad information the store gave them.

I think we over use the form but it helps sooo much. I think it is overwhelming to have to fill all that out not knowing if doing so will get you any help. Another thing I do is give the OP some information that is a direct answer to their question. Once they believe there is help for them here it is easier for them to believe their effort won't be wasted.
I feel the same obviously lol . I took some heat for my reply to @KobaOregonherper as he felt from me . All I cared about in the moment and always is the baby . The education can always come later . The needs of animal always needs to be put first .
 

Beman

Chameleon Enthusiast
I dunno.... Yall know my cham buying history. I have done it the "wrong" way with a big box store and have a wonderful healthy boy. And I did it the "right" way and bought from a breeder and had a most unfortunate situation happen.

So for me it is a double edged sword. I have a wound there when I should not. For me it is really hard now when we slam people for buying a cham from a store. I hate seeing it. It makes me sad because they do not know any better and honestly to me at least the cham was not left in a situation where it would get sick and die. Then these people come here looking to do things right. We slam them for where the cham was obtained and honestly I would not want to stay either.

I just think our tone has such a big impact.
 

Kristen Wilkins

Chameleon Enthusiast
Well I know you. You have an amazing heart. I think we have a lot of daily stress and we come here and it is easy to let our anger out here. After all we are in the world of text. I get frustrated to. Trust me there have been some threads where I have to walk away. Or I just stay out of them all together for my sanity.
Thank you Becca !. It was not my intention to sound harsh . I love these babies so much , it does not matter mine or not . If someone can provide better even if it’s most certain death in a short time . (I’m not saying in this case it was or is ) I want to be helpful in providing the measures to be taken . In That moment it does not matter to me where the baby came from .
 
Top Bottom