OldChamKeeper
Chameleon Enthusiast
After seeing all the newer keepers, I felt as one of the more senior reptile keepers I should share some experience.
Today's topic: So you lost chameleon while putting it outside for some Sun.
The scenario:
While being a good owner and knowing your chameleon needs some unfiltered sunlight now and then, you decide to take your scaled friend outside away from the carefully made habitat you spent God knows how much on making.
The outside set up:
Contrary to that beast of a money pit you call your indoor chameleon habitat, you go in the opposite financial direction for your sunning area and simply place a potted ficus tree on a plastic patio chair reasoning "there's no way in hell she's getting down from that" however just to be on the safe side you place the cheapo chair and tree well away from any other types of things than may entice your animal to be "adventurous" AND you decide to check on the animal every 5 mins.
The result:
You come back every 5 mins three times in a row and your chameleon is happily sunning itself at the top of the tree each time you check. It simply stares at you and waves back as happy as can be. You then come back the
4th time and realize you waited 11 minutes to check on it
. No problem, it's only 11 minutes. You then realize the animal is not at the top of the tree, nor the middle, not even near the bottom. Then you suddenly realize as you check the entire frigging patio chair the little critter sprouted wings and flew off like a damn red bull commercial.
The process of figuring out what happened:
Step 1 - Look everywhere you might be stepping, then you look outwards. If you don't see the animal proceed to step 2.
Step 2 - Go inside your house, to the bathroom, look at yourself in the mirror and say clearly "you are such a dumbshit" - twice. Proceed to step 3.
Step 3 - Returning to the last spot outside you saw the animal (while looking down of course) begin looking for the tallest tree that is closest to your location. No don't look at the nearest short bush, look for tallest damn tree since you already know that's where it's going. You could not possibly have the good luck for it to just go to a 2' high bush....it's going to that 7' tree unless you are unlucky enough to have a 20' tall tree. Proceed to step 4.
Step 4 - Once you have determined the tree you animal has gone to by eliminating all the other routes, you then size up your tree. In this case it is a 7' ficus tree. Square in shape. Approximately 4' wide on each facing and the interior is super thick. Nothing easy about it. After sizing up said tree you need to decide how the hell you are going to search it. Proceed to step 5.
Step 5 - Choose one of the following. Hedger, only if you are THAT angry at the chameleon. Hands and face, simply move aside leaves and branches hoping at some point you will just surprise your chameleon while it is in transit. Look out for spiders, I didn't. Sit on your ass in said plastic chair and wait for it to pop out near the top. Be sure to take your Valium as each passing minute will increase your blood pressure. Take the hose and make the chameleon think a hurricane has hit the damn tree, then watch for said chameleon to pop out (unless you blow it out of the tree and into a planter -keep an eye out for a cartwheeling lizard).
Step 6 - You found the lizard intact and in good health. Simply get ahold of your bad bad child and shake a finger at it as you tell it to not do that again while knowing that the chameleon is actually laughing it's ass off at you.
Step 7 - Return to step 2 or simply admit to your spouse you lost your lizard. Whichever is more painful is the one you should try as an experienced Reptile keeper.
Yes, I lost my female chameleon. After sitting in a chair for an hour hoping to see her pop out of the huge ficus tree I got my hose and soaked the crap outta it. Came back in 5 and found her up at the top in plain sight all wet with a look on her like " Ok Ok OK enough already, Im wet. I get it."
Today's topic: So you lost chameleon while putting it outside for some Sun.
The scenario:
While being a good owner and knowing your chameleon needs some unfiltered sunlight now and then, you decide to take your scaled friend outside away from the carefully made habitat you spent God knows how much on making.
The outside set up:
Contrary to that beast of a money pit you call your indoor chameleon habitat, you go in the opposite financial direction for your sunning area and simply place a potted ficus tree on a plastic patio chair reasoning "there's no way in hell she's getting down from that" however just to be on the safe side you place the cheapo chair and tree well away from any other types of things than may entice your animal to be "adventurous" AND you decide to check on the animal every 5 mins.
The result:
You come back every 5 mins three times in a row and your chameleon is happily sunning itself at the top of the tree each time you check. It simply stares at you and waves back as happy as can be. You then come back the
4th time and realize you waited 11 minutes to check on it
. No problem, it's only 11 minutes. You then realize the animal is not at the top of the tree, nor the middle, not even near the bottom. Then you suddenly realize as you check the entire frigging patio chair the little critter sprouted wings and flew off like a damn red bull commercial. The process of figuring out what happened:
Step 1 - Look everywhere you might be stepping, then you look outwards. If you don't see the animal proceed to step 2.
Step 2 - Go inside your house, to the bathroom, look at yourself in the mirror and say clearly "you are such a dumbshit" - twice. Proceed to step 3.
Step 3 - Returning to the last spot outside you saw the animal (while looking down of course) begin looking for the tallest tree that is closest to your location. No don't look at the nearest short bush, look for tallest damn tree since you already know that's where it's going. You could not possibly have the good luck for it to just go to a 2' high bush....it's going to that 7' tree unless you are unlucky enough to have a 20' tall tree. Proceed to step 4.
Step 4 - Once you have determined the tree you animal has gone to by eliminating all the other routes, you then size up your tree. In this case it is a 7' ficus tree. Square in shape. Approximately 4' wide on each facing and the interior is super thick. Nothing easy about it. After sizing up said tree you need to decide how the hell you are going to search it. Proceed to step 5.
Step 5 - Choose one of the following. Hedger, only if you are THAT angry at the chameleon. Hands and face, simply move aside leaves and branches hoping at some point you will just surprise your chameleon while it is in transit. Look out for spiders, I didn't. Sit on your ass in said plastic chair and wait for it to pop out near the top. Be sure to take your Valium as each passing minute will increase your blood pressure. Take the hose and make the chameleon think a hurricane has hit the damn tree, then watch for said chameleon to pop out (unless you blow it out of the tree and into a planter -keep an eye out for a cartwheeling lizard).
Step 6 - You found the lizard intact and in good health. Simply get ahold of your bad bad child and shake a finger at it as you tell it to not do that again while knowing that the chameleon is actually laughing it's ass off at you.
Step 7 - Return to step 2 or simply admit to your spouse you lost your lizard. Whichever is more painful is the one you should try as an experienced Reptile keeper.
Yes, I lost my female chameleon. After sitting in a chair for an hour hoping to see her pop out of the huge ficus tree I got my hose and soaked the crap outta it. Came back in 5 and found her up at the top in plain sight all wet with a look on her like " Ok Ok OK enough already, Im wet. I get it."
