squeekz1992
New Member
Amen to that lol.
anyone else with boyfriends in college who are too busy to know ur alive?
- Thread starter amanda509
- Start date
- Status
Amen to that lol.
squeekz1992
New Member
squeekz1992
New Member
Honestly, i would say toast him, but not the good kind of toast, the burnt ones that you wrinkle your nose up to and throw in the garbage.
I dont know you very well, but I know that your better than what he's doing to you, from personal experience. If he cant just nut up and say he doesnt want you, as much as it would hurt, it wouldnt hurt nearly as bad as what he is putting you through right now, trust me. And your a pretty girl so obviously he is immature and blind because if he knew what he has with you he wouldnt be being a jerkwad. Dump him, go get some ben and jerrys and watch a couple chick flicks (or if your like me, watch horror movies
) heal. Then dress up and go out with some friends amd knock em dead if you need someone to talk to pm me, i've been there, and trust me youll be better off without him 
shaunaroxanne
Avid Member
Did you read what you wrote? What I mean is....If it were someone else who wrote this, and their boyfriend was making these rules, what would you say? You would say,...."that is effing CRAZY!!" WHY would you even entertain the idea of abiding by these "rules"? He is PLAYING you girl!
You do not need him. You were fine before him and you will be fine after him. Do not let him have this control over you. I am not proud to say that these are the same things I would say to guys that I dated who I really didn't like, but I didn't want anyone else to have either. It is a complete control issue and I really hope you see that before you let him wast another moment of your life.
squeekz1992
New Member
Well said!
amanda509
New Member
okay, in all seriousness, sorry if i sound rude, but i have a headache and have been crying over this, but there may have been some misunderstandings. derek is not the kind of guy some of you are stereo typing him to be. he has been the BEST boyfriend i could ever have imagined. he is sweet, loving, and he really shows he cares about me, and i love him more than anything. everything has been like this until he started worrying about college last week. he works a 3rd shift job and has classes on top of that, and he is trying to fit in with the rest of the college kids and sleep on top of all that. now, what makes me upset, is he told me, its hard to have a life on campus all the time and drive (the ten mins from my house to campus, or vice versa) back and forth all the time, and it is just easier to stay on campus and hangout with those friends.
now, those rules, were mutual, we BOTH made them up...so part of the control was my doing, i do not want to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me.
other things that make me upset, although this is only the first week, im worried he wont even think about me, which in turn leaves to him not even hinting to me now and then he still loves me. im also afraid he is oging to abuse this break, this was meant for him to take the extra time he would be spending on me, on his sleep and studies instead....not other things, this was why i agreed to it. i am also terribly afraid he will find someone new. he is always super friendly with people, specially girls, he has never given me reason to not trust him, but ive never been comfortable with how friendly he is to other girls...they all seem to get along soo well with him..and from a girls perspective, they normally end up liking guys they get along well with.
theres just soo much on my mind right now, and im so terribly upset. that i cant type it all right now.
ive never wanted anything more than ive wanted a guy to love me, and show he cares, and always be there (you can tell i was fatherless and bullied as a child -.-)
now, those rules, were mutual, we BOTH made them up...so part of the control was my doing, i do not want to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me.
other things that make me upset, although this is only the first week, im worried he wont even think about me, which in turn leaves to him not even hinting to me now and then he still loves me. im also afraid he is oging to abuse this break, this was meant for him to take the extra time he would be spending on me, on his sleep and studies instead....not other things, this was why i agreed to it. i am also terribly afraid he will find someone new. he is always super friendly with people, specially girls, he has never given me reason to not trust him, but ive never been comfortable with how friendly he is to other girls...they all seem to get along soo well with him..and from a girls perspective, they normally end up liking guys they get along well with.
theres just soo much on my mind right now, and im so terribly upset. that i cant type it all right now.
ive never wanted anything more than ive wanted a guy to love me, and show he cares, and always be there (you can tell i was fatherless and bullied as a child -.-)
shaunaroxanne
Avid Member
A guy's love will NOT make you complete. I won't say another word after this because, unfortunately, you have to go through the storm to get past it. But this is not a healthy relationship, it is co-dependent. People change. And lastly, when your gut tells you something isn't right, you need to listen. Keep your chin up.
amanda509
New Member
i never wanted it to make me complete, but before all this happened, i was probably the happiest person on earth.
C
Chameleonic
Guest
Ok, so you are allowed to say 'girls are awful friends' but when Dan says 'You Girls always trying to treat us guys like your personal property!
' (smiley face means clearly messing around) you get annoyed with him.......they are both generalisations, but at least Dans was good-natured. You actually appear to think that girls are worse than boys when it comes to loyalty. This is simply not true. Boys sometimes lie and talk behind your back too. As Dan said - 'The truth is both boys and girls are equal when it comes to going after someone who is in a relationship'Your original post was definitely to do with men, because you were totally agreeing with Amanda saying this ' but if it wasnt for the girls "enticing" them..they wouldnt have left, at least not then. girls are vile creatures...no lie. -.- '
To summarise - you have no reason at all to be pissed off with DanSB. He has simply given his opinion in response to the subject being discussed. He never pretended to understand you personally. You shouldn't insult him like that.
C
Chameleonic
Guest
Sorry about your troubles Amanda, I hope you can work it out, but I'm not going to give you any advice......
squeekz1992
New Member
Ok, so you are allowed to say 'girls are awful friends' but when Dan says 'You Girls always trying to treat us guys like your personal property!
Your original post was definitely to do with men, because you were totally agreeing with Amanda saying this ' but if it wasnt for the girls "enticing" them..they wouldnt have left, at least not then. girls are vile creatures...no lie. -.- '
To summarise - you have no reason at all to be pissed off with DanSB. He has simply given his opinion in response to the subject being discussed. He never pretended to understand you personally. You shouldn't insult him like that.
Whatever that is not what i think. Im done with that part of the conversation so thanks.
squeekz1992
New Member
Im not stereotypin gan dim sorry if i upset you. I would be able to give you better advice if people would quit criticizing me an dtwisting my words around, so if you wan tto know what i was trying to say/ think then pm me, but obviously people just want to argue and criticize and all i want to do is help you feel better and make the best decision for you, but im done being criticized on this thread, so im sorry if you want my advice pm me, but i can tpos ton here anymore b cthese people are being really hurtful and immature
C
Chameleonic
Guest
What isn't what you think? You need to make yourself clearer if you want to reply to people. Do you think girls are awful friends or not? (as opposed to boys)
Do you think you were fair to insult DanSB?
I don't understand what you said to me, that's why I'm asking
Imo, girls were often poorer friends. That's why I always had more guy friends - less drama. But boys can be quite awful as well, so that plan backfired sometimes. Guys can be far more cruel than girls can be when they want to. It's not universal on either side so making generalized statements doesn't really do anyone any good here.
Amanda - I'm so sorry you're going through this. I went through something very similar when my boyfriend went off to college. Everything was fine for a while, but then it seemed like he kind of forgot me. But he didn't really mean to because anytime we would be able to talk then everything was fine more or less. And he was far enough away that we couldn't visit each other. Long distance relationships are just hard. Guys aren't supposed to be everything, but you can't help it when you're in love with one. Sometimes you make it through these types of things as a couple, and sometimes you don't. Around the age you go to college the person you are changes, whether you realize it or not. Sometimes even subtle changes in two people are enough to make them less compatible than they had been. All you can do is work through the issue at hand to best of your abilities. If it is too taxing on you, and the emotional burden is too much to bear and it distracts you from actually being happy then it's time to re-examine your priorities. Sometimes these things work out and sometimes they don't, as much as we hoped they would.
Fwiw, my boyfriend I referred to is now my husband. We met in high school and have been together ever since. We worked through that hard time and realized we never wanted to do that again, and we haven't. But my siblings (one brother, one sister) were both in long term relationships that were going perfectly for 2 years each, and then they both fell apart. They couldn't salvage it even though they had something as great as my husband and I had for a while. One day at a time, but don't sacrifice your happiness now just for the hope of happiness later.
Amanda - I'm so sorry you're going through this. I went through something very similar when my boyfriend went off to college. Everything was fine for a while, but then it seemed like he kind of forgot me. But he didn't really mean to because anytime we would be able to talk then everything was fine more or less. And he was far enough away that we couldn't visit each other. Long distance relationships are just hard. Guys aren't supposed to be everything, but you can't help it when you're in love with one. Sometimes you make it through these types of things as a couple, and sometimes you don't. Around the age you go to college the person you are changes, whether you realize it or not. Sometimes even subtle changes in two people are enough to make them less compatible than they had been. All you can do is work through the issue at hand to best of your abilities. If it is too taxing on you, and the emotional burden is too much to bear and it distracts you from actually being happy then it's time to re-examine your priorities. Sometimes these things work out and sometimes they don't, as much as we hoped they would.
Fwiw, my boyfriend I referred to is now my husband. We met in high school and have been together ever since. We worked through that hard time and realized we never wanted to do that again, and we haven't. But my siblings (one brother, one sister) were both in long term relationships that were going perfectly for 2 years each, and then they both fell apart. They couldn't salvage it even though they had something as great as my husband and I had for a while. One day at a time, but don't sacrifice your happiness now just for the hope of happiness later.
DanSB
Avid Member
What isn't what you think? You need to make yourself clearer if you want to reply to people. Do you think girls are awful friends or not? (as opposed to boys)
Do you think you were fair to insult DanSB?
I don't understand what you said to me, that's why I'm asking
I appreciate your explanation of what I said and it seems you got it thank you.
Keep in mind though for many this is a very emotional conversation and and when you try to say things I have here it is to be expected that people will react negatively.
99% of the time a new perspective on any emotionally charged subject will not be initially accepted and will often be rejected with hostility and I got everything I expected. I could have even written some of the replies myself
.Now why say it? I believe this thread will be read by people who aren't here now as it appeals to basic human interest. I want to get that different perspective out in the open to be disagreed with.
If it has merit (and it may not) it will stick in someones head subconsciously and add to an individual's decision making machine in the future. Maybe it will help ten years down the road, maybe it won't but at least the perspective is out there if for nothing else as a foil to the consensus.
And also just to reinforce when one speaks in generalities there are ALWAYS exceptions. Most responses here are from the generality level. Few of us actually know each other well enough to speak outside of generalities. So when I or anyone responds what we are responding to how we perceive the posters words based on the experiences we have had in our lives.
I'm a little wordy and have crazy opinions but I have always been interested in philosophy, gender, social anthropology, natural history and general biology. You can't seriously study these subjects and come away agreeing with the consensus...
Elizadolots
New Member
Amanda, I fully understand and appreciate that you are willing to pull back a bit and let him do this thing he says he needs to do (take a break). And, I am not going to give you any grief for being willing to do this. I might be 53 but I remember being young and in love and yes, you do things you'd never do when you are older, but that doesn't make them wrong or bad.
My biggest concern is that you are really relying on him to tell you if he's dating or having sex with others. I know you want to believe that he will be honest with you, but I suspect he would not. Not because he's bad and wants to deceive you but because he cares for you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings (and, yes, he knows that if he did, he would lose you).
So, I think you need to work on how you keep informed. I don't have any easy answer on that, but I really don't think you can trust him to tell you.
Maybe you just need to say "there's no way we can monitor each other on this, so I think we need to say we both can date and have sex with others. That's the only fair way to deal with it."
If he can't stand that idea, he'll change his theory on needing a break. If he accepts it, I think you'd know that he was planning on having sex with others anyway.
It's only really exciting when your daughter goes through puberty while you're going through menopause.
I was 36 when my daughter was born and I would not have been nearly the good mother I am had I reproduced when I was in my 20s. I know many women who've had their children in their 20s and been lovely mothers. There are pluses and minuses to every parenting decision and it's important to respect them all.
D
DavidBuchan
Guest
Aha, the wisdom of Solomon
. Good thinking from a practical point of view. I wonder who would have the balls to try that one out.........
amanda509
New Member
thank you everyone for your advice! it really made me happy knowing i wasnt the only one that is going through or has gone through this. it really warms my heart knowing you guys care enough about personal problems as much as you do about chameleons to respond to this thread with some very helpful advice! derek and i talked again the other night, and we both decided going on this break was crazy..i wasnt the only one getting upset this past week about it, it made him upset as well. so we both agreed that we will see eachother on weekends, and stick to phone calls during the week. but i am sure this wont be the only obstacle we will come across within our relationship.
i also noticed this thread has had a small change of topics that may be getting out of hand, so i kindly ask that a moderator please close this thread.
i also noticed this thread has had a small change of topics that may be getting out of hand, so i kindly ask that a moderator please close this thread.
- Status
