well cancer is back for the holidays

[daveo]

It’s the 14 of December and many times I feel
The need to write words that describe my deal
So I sit down and write what is on my mind
And I keep them close by me for no one to find
No one that is but my lovely dear wife
Whom is my rock and I trust with my life
She reads these trite words and then tells me what a shame
That no one else ever sees them again
So I am taking the plunge and posting this now
For all to read and laugh or say wow!
For I know I am no Shakespeare or Keats
I could never match up to those literary feats
But these poems they come and flow out when they do
So I have to write them for they cause much ado
So why am I writing this one here right now?
Because once again I have sweat on my brow
My life it is changing at a break neck pace
I often wonder if I can keep up the race
Cancer for Christmas is what is foremost
This house guest is one I wish not to host
We thought it was gone to never return
But in just 6 months it is back and stubborn
It consumes all my thoughts by night and by day
And all I can do is to hope and to pray
The praying I’ve faith does not fall on deaf ears
But I’m tired of living in hope through these years
For living in hope might sound warm and fuzzy
It is really uncomfortable unnerving and Buzzy
Buzzing with the thoughts in the back of your mind
While ever hopeful bad thoughts still do find
A way into the cracks of that hope
And when they do come it is quite hard to cope
And come they do with vigor and vengeance
I can’t pay them to stop I have only a halfpence
And these demons of doubt have such a price
They have told me that only my loved one will suffice
But I refuse to pay their terrible Toll
And I force them back to the depths of my soul
And then I am once again living in hope
I try not to cry I try not to mope
This battle does rage every day and night
It is long and hard and I know I must fight
For I am not willing to lose my love
I am not ready for her to see me from above
So as bad as it seems I saying right here
Holy Spirit, stay away please, do not draw near
I don’t want my wife taken from me so soon
I am not ready to have this thread hewn
I pray for your healing and I pray for your strength
But I’d like you to stay at least at arm’s length
I love you and need you please don’t take this wrong
I just am not ready for my wife to be gone.
So I guess I have nothing much more to say
I will go on living with hope and pray
That My Nora will come through this all swimmingly
And next time I write something so flowery
It will be a nice subject like pride or love
With praise and thanksgiving to the lord above.

 

[laurie]

That was so beautiful, heartbreaking, hopeful, despairing, and all the other emotions I can think of. Thank you for sharing it. I will keep both you and Nora in my prayers. Let us know how she is doing. We all wish for the best for her.

 

[lindawaz]

Thank you Laurie. I could not come up with words after I read this and you summed it up beautifully.

I will also keep you and Nora in my prayers.

 

[K9Luvn]

Your written words are so very heartfelt. I'm am glad that you have shared them with us. Your wife is right... you need to let others see and feel these words.

 

[Symbiot]

I am very sorry to hear that. I wish her a full recovery.

 

[carol5208]

Beautifully written straight from your heart and soul. Wishing you guys all the best. Please keep us posted. Praying for you, your wife and family.

 

[sharlaxle]

I will keep you in my prayers. You know it never got any easier to hear my cancer was back, but each time it returned my family kept me strong enough to fight through it again. So be strength for eachother. You'll find that some of your greatest moments will be during the fight.
Sharl

 

[Eltortu]

Is surgery out of the question?

 

[Elizadolots]

I'm so sorry you're family is going through this.

Know that tremendous progress has been made.

I know there are trials going on for drugs that seem able to stop ovarian cancer in its tracks for some people. Hopefully your wife is at a good, modern cancer center with access to those trials. Being at a cancer center is really an important thing, though it shouldn't be.

 

[suzi]

I am so sorry to hear this news I will keep your family in my prayers, and thank you for sharing your beautiful poem, it was pure love and pain and has had me sobbing for quite some time.

 

[daveo]

Is surgery out of the question?

We have already had the surgery. Last year she had a radical hysterectomy and what is called cleaning. Cleaning is when they go in and take out any suspect looking inclusions. So she has a scar from her sternum all the way down to her pubic bone. They explored her entire abdominal cavity and took out a bunch of stuff cancerous or not. So this time around the disease is not in any organ, it is just there. It is a fluid not a tumor so there is really no way to remove to. It has to be killed by the drugs. The doctor we have is one of the foremost experts in Ovarian oncology. She is the go to doctor in the US so we are pretty sure she knows what is best, however I am always watchful. She is only 43 years old. The average age for contracting Ovarian cancer 73. My wife Nora does not fit any of the statistical profiles for this disease. We go to a teaching hospital and her case is so rare that the students line up to help the doctor so they can observe her case. It drives Nora NUTS!!!! Anyway, Thanks for all the positive energy. Here is a picture of my family

 

[Hoj]

great lookin hapy bunch, hope all turns out well for you

 

[K9Luvn]

Very beautiful wife and awesome family photo!!!!!!!! You have much to be proud of!

 

[okiroo]

im sorry. i just found out a few mins ago my grandpa lost his nose to cancer i'll pray tonight for you and your wife. be strong for her.

 

[daveo]

Very beautiful wife and awesome family photo!!!!!!!! You have much to be proud of!

yeah I think she is beautiful too. Most of the time the family is awesome....they do have their moments!!!!

 

[Elizadolots]

They're lovely.

My wife Nora does not fit any of the statistical profiles for this disease.

Sadly, that's often the cause of a delayed diagnosis. Doctors get it in their heads that only certain people can get a disease and they miss it when someone outside the profile turns up with it.

It sounds like you've got her in a wonderful place with top notch care.

I'll be thinking good thoughts.

 

[sandrachameleon]

delightful family photo
Im glad your wife has access to good care

If you're going through hell -just keep going.

 

[Tabooza]

Daveo I know a healer, I shall speak to him in my prayers tonight, I will ask him brother to let me share ur family's pain and burden to ease her pain. Scripture tells us in Mark 11:24 What thing so ever you desire, when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you shall have them.. Trust I have seen him work many time not only in my family but in my friend's lives.. Let the spiritual Warfare begin... In Yahshua's name she is heal already brother believe it, it is done...

 

[ChameleonsInMyHouse]

Daveo I know a healer, I shall speak to him in my prayers tonight, I will ask him brother to let me share ur family's pain and burden to ease her pain. Scripture tells us in Mark 11:24 What thing so ever you desire, when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you shall have them.. Trust I have seen him work many time not only in my family but in my friend's lives.. Let the spiritual Warfare begin... In Yahshua's name she is heal already brother believe it, it is done...

i can vouche, God is never late, even on our time schedule he's on time, but be it done according to your faith. What you reap, you'll sew, and that goes for what you're faith planted to.

Isaiah 53 says "He (Jesus) was pierced for our transgressions (killed for our sins). Through His stripes, we are healed"

think outside of your situation for a second, that means every kind of healing (spiritual, physical and mental), if he can raise from the dead, think of what he can do for you if you let him. Thank God for doctors, but sometimes we need to put our trust in the highest qualified surgeon to work from the inside out. Wishes and prayers for you and your family through these Holidays, and remember, the problem is only Big to human eyes XXXX christmas hugs from your pal ChamsInMyHouse

 

[daveo]

Thanks for all the support friends! We started chemo last week. If any of you know how chemotherapy works, you know that it is the days after the actual treatment that is when the real struggle begins. She got chemo on tuesday and the side effects kicked in… you guessed it… on Christmas day. She was so sick and this time it was not nausea and fatigue like it was last time. This time it was out and out pain. She laid in bed with aching joints and agony while the rest of us opened presents on christmas morning. It was hard for me to watch. And harder on the little ones who could not understand why mommy couldn't come up to see what Santa brought them