Just Need To Vent

[CleaTheChameleon]

Hey everyone. I know this has nothing to do with chameleons but many of the people here can probably help me out since they are adults and im 13.

Well i just feel like talking to you because i feel close with many of you.

Well in my math class i have been dealing with this one kid that loves to mess with me every single day and then gets other people to join in. I usually let it go because i know its not true and i know that he will fail in life and work at McDonalds the rest of his life starting soon.

BUT today was different. I just had to finally say something and yes i said what i needed to say in front of the whole class so he can be embarrassed just like he makes me every day. My teacher didnt mind as she doesn't like him either and feels good that im finally saying something. After i said what i did, he continued. People like him just make me mad.

I have always lived by the rules " Dont let anyone get to you." and “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” but sometimes its hard to just keep everything including the pain inside. We may say we dont care and move on, but then we have that part of us that really gets sensitive and cares about it a lot.

I hope some of you can help me out and let me know what i should do about this and im very thankful you have read what i needed to say. Thanks for understanding my need to talk it out.

 

[Hoj]

i say good for you, at 13 alot of kids are fools but you seem to have a great head on your shoulders, so keep up the good work and im sure you will fair far better than he.

smile hoj & Camo

 

[sagemoon2004]

First of all, I have to say that you are very mature, and have a GREAT outlook on life. People that feel the need to belittle others have deep insecurities about themselves, and only do that stuff to make themselves feel better. Hold true to who you are, it will get you much farther in life. I was always the outcast in school, with my love of bugs and weird animals, different music, ways of dressing, etc. I tried to belong, (cheerleading, yearbook editor, all that stuff), but never really felt a true part of everything. Many years later, (I am 42), I look back and see at that time it all seemed like a big deal, after high school none of that stuff matters, (how the idiots treat you), I moved away from that small school, went to college, and found other people like me. To this day I do not go to reunions, or talk to old classmates. It still hurts sometimes, it did effect my self esteem in many ways, but you have to love yourself first, value your self, your skills. You will be the one to rise above it all, and just from your posts, I know you have the inner strength and the right attitude. Hang in there, those years will pass, you will look back and see it didn't mean as much as it seemed when it was happening. (Now I have my dream job managing a private pet store, that I am hoping to buy soon) Ignorance doesn't succeed, but you will!

 

[Ace]

befriend a big dude and ask him to kick his butt

haha...but you are alright man...dont worry so much and as long you can defend yourself you should be fine nd be happy...

sometimes life is not fair and things arent always black and white...ther is grey matter inbetween.

like the rest that mentioned, you are doing great and a 13 too!!!

keep your head held high...and live life

 

[ChameleonRave]

Stefan I think that you handled it VERY well, it happens to me and many other people in my school, it doesn't matter if you are popular or not, someone is always there to pick on you. I think that you are a very bright person, I can relate to you quite a bit with this, a few years ago I got stabbed with a pencil my 8th grade year and people still make so called "funny" jokes and laugh at me about it. I just ignore it and tell them to drop it. I could have died that day (just about a half inch away from my heart and it went in three inches). There is the especially annoying kid his name is Landon J., if you think that you have met the most annoying, cruel and all out selfish person ever, you would be shocked by him. He is the worst snottiest bratty "rich" kid I have met. He gets on everyone's nerves. Today in Geometry we got a new seating arrangement and people were complaining sitting by him. The teacher told us she would rather put him in ISS but she can't put him there just because she doesn't like him. I think that with every bully and every rude comment you get from someone you will become more mature and learn from their mistakes and then you will be getting your order taken from him/her at your local McDonald's.
Zac

 

[CleaTheChameleon]

I really appreciate everything you all said! It has made me feel a lot better tonight! THANK YOU

People are rude creatures and we need to live with that. Not everyone you meet will be able to be pleased easily.

 

[Chase]

Stefan,
When I was your age, my mom always told me two things to do when people are picking on you, or messing with you to get you upset.

1: They do it in stages. They are going to start doing simple things. After they recognize their target, they will keep attacking. He may start at first just calling you names, then bringing it personal as he sees it bothers you. What you need to do, even if it does really bother you, don't act it in front of him. What you did was good, but dong it too often really shows it bothers you. All you have to do is roll your eyes, and act as if he is just being a stupid fool in front of everyone to get attention. If this doesn't work, maybe you should bring it up, for example- he says something to you, and you respond "Do you like getting attention for acting like an ignorant butthole in front of everyone?" Thats all you have to say.

2: Talk to someone. If it is really bothering you, you can talk to an assortment of people. You did it good by coming on here, but if advice from the forums isn't good enough, you could talk to a trusted teacher, or trusted friend. When I was your age, I talked to one teacher, and one friend. If they couldn't give me what I wanted to hear, I talked to my parents. Of course, my parents gave me completely two opposite different opinions, but it was still fun, because they would tell me something completely silly to do, to cheer me up. But like I said, trusting someone with your problems really helps, but be careful who your choice is, as you need to be 100% sure you can completely trust them.

Hope this helps!
LPR08

 

[CleaTheChameleon]

Stefan,
When I was your age, my mom always told me two things to do when people are picking on you, or messing with you to get you upset.

1: They do it in stages. They are going to start doing simple things. After they recognize their target, they will keep attacking. He may start at first just calling you names, then bringing it personal as he sees it bothers you. What you need to do, even if it does really bother you, don't act it in front of him. What you did was good, but dong it too often really shows it bothers you. All you have to do is roll your eyes, and act as if he is just being a stupid fool in front of everyone to get attention. If this doesn't work, maybe you should bring it up, for example- he says something to you, and you respond "Do you like getting attention for acting like an ignorant butthole in front of everyone?" Thats all you have to say.

2: Talk to someone. If it is really bothering you, you can talk to an assortment of people. You did it good by coming on here, but if advice from the forums isn't good enough, you could talk to a trusted teacher, or trusted friend. When I was your age, I talked to one teacher, and one friend. If they couldn't give me what I wanted to hear, I talked to my parents. Of course, my parents gave me completely two opposite different opinions, but it was still fun, because they would tell me something completely silly to do, to cheer me up. But like I said, trusting someone with your problems really helps, but be careful who your choice is, as you need to be 100% sure you can completely trust them.

Hope this helps!
LPR08

This made my night! Your mom is a smart woman!

From 1- i understand what you are saying and that advice really helps. if he continues tomorrow..i will be positive to say that line to him

From 2- i have been doing just that! i love talking to people my age that understand me and can give me good tips and advice. it feels good especially when you trust the person like spongebob trusts patrick

Its hard to talk to my parents about this because they think of a whole different reason and say stuff that isnt exactly what i wanted to hear...but it has to be done. They are the people that brought me in this world.

Thanks for the help once again!

 

[jojackson]

Stefan,
By pure co-incidence, I too 'spat the dummy' (lost my cool) just this morning,
so I can relate, and as is my nature, my response is going to be honest
and realistic.

Parents, teachers, adults in general will have you beleive that we are above
emotion, that maturity means denying what it is to be human, for the general good.
We have our kids beleive that losing your cool and 'giving in to anger' , frustration etc is
somehow weakness that must be overcome in order to grow, to become mature.

We do this for many reasons, mostly because once we are adults, our lives
become rather complicated. If you lose your cool with a really annoying
work mate, you can lose your job, which leads to lots of serious problems for you, for example.
We also do this because we want to protect our kids from lifes often harsh realities
as long as possible, because quite honestly, and more simply, adult life can suck.

While things we tell you are for most part sensible, such as 'violence is not the answer'
(its scary and you can get hurt, nobody likes it) never the less, reality is often a different story.
Nobody wants their son/daughter hurt at school for example. Unfortunately, because we
adopt such thinking in the adult world, we tend to forget that its very different for kids.
Once, we had a very different outlook, a simpler and more realistic one, and it worked.

Without going on forever, life became more complicated and we did our best
to adapt and improve, but like our kids, we made and continue to make mistakes,
both as people and as parents. A look around you today at the increasing violence and loss of control, will tell any kid with half a brain, we've made plenty of mistakes.

Life for kids today is a very different scene than we and our folks were at school,
its much more complicated and alot harder than we had it. Kids today face all kinds of problems
that we never did, and that we, as a whole, are responsible for.
We adults tend to grumble and whinge about 'todays kids' and how much better we were,
but the ugly truth is, we were not.

Things were simpler for us, we forget that. Adults are much bigger kids, we get angry,
frustrated, afraid and so on, and we make no secret of it, except to our own kids!
Kids see it everyday, adults make all the same mistakes kids do.
For adults though, the consequences are much greater, this is what we want to protect you from
with what is essentially, hypocrasy.

Some things have not, nor will ever change, for example, bullies at school.
This is part of life that everyone learns to deal with, each in their own way,
sometimes, not at all. You find adults, who are still bullies, and those who are still victims.

I too had my share of bullies like yours when I was at school, and for the longest time
I tried hard to obey my folks remonstrations to ignore it, dob to teachers etc etc
Ofcourse, It simply didnt work. Eventually it got too much, human nature came to party
and took its natural course.

One day while being bullied, shoved about, even punched by my bully, and jeered by his moron cowardly mates, something inside me said, 'no more, enough'.
I turned and hit him in the face as hard as i could, splitting his lip and knocking him on his butt.
To my surprise, and certainly to his, those jeering mates, suddenly became my cheering mates.
Glen, that was his name, wasnt expecting that!

Glen didnt fight back, perhaps he was too shocked (lucky for me, he was a big kid )
but he did find a new respect for this skinny wimpy kid who hit back, and we later actually became
freinds.

My own daughters do home schooling now, due violence in our highschools, but in primary (elementary) I openly advised them to hit back, and hard, regardless of consequence and it worked for both of them.

I must be responsible though and tell you that I am not advocating YOU do so, because your schools are much more violent (kids with knives and guns) this sadly is no longer an option.
But what you did is a less dangerous but hopefully effective version.
What I mean to tell you though Stefan, is that passively accepting such crap, is not an option, less you grow up to become an adult victim.

Never allow anyone to intimidate you, no matter how big, ugly or scary they may be. Weak (minded or emotionally) people feel they need to intimidate others to feel better about themselves.
Often these folk secretly have major self image issues and low self esteem. While this should not be an excuse, it will help you to recognise this.

Simply put, you need to try to think smarter, find a clever stragedgy to avoid dangerous confrontations. Honesty and openess and lots of sublety will serve you well in this regard your whole life long. One great way to deal with an enemy, is to make him a freind instead.
You will need to be clever to acheive this more often than not, but it is possible.

Dont misunderstand, keep in mind, never allow yourself to be intimidated, just becoming a syncophant (suck up) wont work, be firm but kindly.
This is probly one of the very hardest life lessons for anyone to learn. You are making progress.
Hang in there mate, school life seems unending, but one fine day, you come out the other side and the rest of your life begins.

Best wishes always, stay safe!