Animal and relationship probs

[busterboy]

So as you all know I have two chams, bearded dragon, leopard gecko, and crested gecko.

So I need to buy lots of food for them and we all know how much time it takes to keep the food in order and to breed them and etc..

Well my gf is getting annoyed and is at a very high point as to she wants to break up with me. But she doesn't understand that I need to put all this time into my animals :/

What should I do

 

[Vicky]

I am a female owner of a veil chameleon. I have my veil for around 6 months now, and my bf is pretty supportive to what i have been doing with my chameleon, even sometimes my bf will get jealous of me spending more time with my veil than him, but he still understand that i should be responsible to my pet. What i want to say is if you gf is truly in love with you she wouldn't mind anything you do and maybe be supportive (like helping you taking care of your animal)? And if she wants to break up with you, no matter if you have your pets or not, she will still breaks up with you.I dont know, maybe i am wrong, i am just saying...sorry for your lost.

 

[MCSEB]

If she really does love you and care for you, she will accept this. Yes, some people may get annoyed and frustrated but they will get over it and they probably won't even like the idea of it. They need to understand this is something you like and are very interested in. If she can't accept the fact you like this then sit down with her and talk to her. If she still wants you to get rid of them, then you should consider taking a break with her and let her clear her mind up. These animals do take time and patience and she needs to understand that. You could always find something about her that you don't like and just bug her with that
My advice, if she wants to break up with you because of your animals, then she probably doesn't care for you that much and she is just using that to get out of a relationship. It probably wasn't meant to be. Your special lady who will accept you no matter what is out there. I've experienced this through many friends and I am always the person my friends come to for advice. I hope it all goes well and good luck with everything. Just listen to your conscience.

 

[little leaf]

I dated a guy for 10 years- he hated my horses, my dogs, all my animals- well, we broke up - a year later, I met "my guy" the pic is us on our 2nd date - we got married on our horses, and have been married 19 happy years and 2 kids later, we are still happy ( but he wont kiss my cham - but thats ok too ) I am not saying break up= my husband is not an animal "nut" but...... I knew I needed someone in my life who also understood my pets were part of me, and my life - follow your heart , best of luck

 

[Olimpia]

I can see where she's coming from if you are both busy and the only time she gets to see you is when you're also doing reptile chores. Is there any way that you can do your chores while she's at work or not there so that your time together is more about the two of you?

 

[ataraxia]

I can see where she's coming from if you are both busy and the only time she gets to see you is when you're also doing reptile chores. Is there any way that you can do your chores while she's at work or not there so that your time together is more about the two of you?

Great advice,

 

[sandrachameleon]

So as you all know I have two chams, bearded dragon, leopard gecko, and crested gecko.

So I need to buy lots of food for them and we all know how much time it takes to keep the food in order and to breed them and etc..

Well my gf is getting annoyed and is at a very high point as to she wants to break up with me. But she doesn't understand that I need to put all this time into my animals :/

What should I do

Can you rearrange your schedule so that your animal chores are done when it impacts on your human relationships less? (maybe while she's at work like Olimpia has suggested, or when she's in the shower/bath, or whatever)
Can you find ways to be more efficient in your animal keeping chores?
Have you tried showing your gf what you are doing - perhaps she doesnt fully understand the responsibility?
Have you considered that if your reptiles are truly taking up so much time that you havent any time for a human relationship that maybe you've over extended yourself?
Do you take an interest in her hobbies? share time with her equal to or greater than the amount of time spent on the animals and bugs?
Have you considered what you like more - the pets or the gf? maybe you need to make a choice? no point having an unhappy gf - and not fair to either of you.

Im so glad my bf has no problem with my taking care of my pets, just like I have no problem with his having some activities I dont share in - and that we also have plenty of things we do together.

 

[ReptileLove18]

i think that if things are meant to be with you two that she should be willing to accept that your pets are part of the equation and a large part of your life.. both people in a relationship need to respect the others need to have and do things that make them happy, like your pets make you happy. i think you should try to see if she's willing to get more involved in that aspect of your life and talk it over with her, explaining that you like her and want to be with her and that the pets aren't gonna go anywhere.. if she is everything a good partner should be she will understand.
i hope everything works out and don't forget, never change who you are for someone else.. there are people who will always love you for who you are and those are the people to surround yourself with!!

 

[ChameleonMom]

My hubby doesn't share in my interest of chameleons AT ALL but he maintains that if I'm happy, then he's happy! He knows how to keep the peace!

Seriously, a. relationship is all about is 'give and take' - if you don't have that then to me there's no point in being together. *shrug*

 

[Zen Reptiles]

What are you doing that takes up so much time? Just be more efficient in caring for them.

Beardies, leos, and cresties take a minimal amount of time. Like I mean 10-20 minutes a week.

Chams I can see taking up time misting them if you hand mist....but nothing else takes up much time unless you go out and catch each insect from a field by hand.

Just get a Mistking and automate that as well as the lights on/off.

That said, a lot of reptile people are reptile hoarders. If you have a lot of animals and it's not a part of your income stream then you are a hoarder in regular people's eyes, and may want to take some outside opinions (such as your gf's) seriously.

 

[Neonchams1]

If she really loves you, she'll support you no matter what. Sit down and talk to her, make more time to be with her.

 

[PenelopeLove]

Sorry dude.. seems I have to agree with most people on here.. you may need to take a look at how much time is actually necessary for you to be spending time on them if she's starting to feel like she's not a priority..

If you don't already (as other members have mentioned), get your things hooked up and automated.. personally I feel its better for my animals as they have a better routine and I can't guarantee I will be home on time to turn lights off etc.

But looking at your signature I'm guessing you're 19?? Don't fret.. go with the flow mate.

 

[dlegare]

Your gf wouldn't like my suggestion.

 

[Vmag86]

Thats rough man. I know this is not what you want to hear, but maybe its time to find another lady who shares more in common with you. My girlfriend and I live together and both have chameleons. We spend a lot of time together working with and keeping our chameleons. If anything it has made our relationship better. Maybe its time for a change....

 

[pigglett79]

You don't want my comment.,..,..,,.,,go with your heart and try not to waste the precious time you have in this life. Been there done that, got rid of all my pets and wasted 7 yrs of my life.

 

[leedragon]

my oppinion is that at some point you should realise what are your limits, in my opinion over 2 pets are too much, you should think what is more important the reptiles or the chick.

my thought is kinda like this, crazy cat lady, crazy dog man, crazy cham guy, but thas my oppinion

 

[busterboy]

Thanks for all your opinions everyone. And I do try to find time to do it when I'm not with here... But I see her everyday, all day! And I don't want to feed my chams at like 11 pm when I leave her. I would love for her to understand, but she never will. All she says is "their just animals" "you spend too much time with your stupid worms"

But she doesn't realize how expensive silk ad hornworms are -.-
I have to breed them. Because for some reason all my crickets die on me.

Also, I do take a little more time than usual on my pets. Because sometimes they refuse to eat and then I hVe to mess around a little with their food to make sure they eat, it sucks :/

......and I don't want a crazy cat lady as my new gf lol... I'd go nuts :O
But yes, sadly I love animals.
Not to mention... She bought me the crested gecko

 

[stalincat]

As everyone said, think of your priorities. BUT

I have a friend who's got 3 cats, she is a cat lady hehe. She spends a lot of money and time on them. Herself and the cats come as a package, and if a guy doesn't accept that - he can pretty much bugger off. Thankfully her bf of 4 years loves them all.
Myself.. I'm able to keep 4 animals only because my partner helps me with them. If I was living alone, I don't think I would be getting so many just because I have a hectic working pattern and won't be able to look after them properly. Moreover, he loves my animals too, he talks to them in a silly voice and takes them to the vet if needed, goes to buy crickets and excitedly tells me what they've been up to while I was away. He knows they make me happy, and thats what important. And I like to see that he enjoys spending time with them.

My point is, for some people their pet is a part of who they are. If a guy asked me to get rid of my animals for him, I'd get rid of him. I actually was dating a guy who asked me to remove my tattoos. He is an ex now.

 

[fluxlizard]

I think probably you are fussing over your animals more than necessary. There may be some truth to that line of thinking. On the other hand if that is what makes you happy and feel makes your life worth while, then I don't think it's a problem.

If you are 19, then I think you should probably seriously consider what makes you happy. If a girl (or any other friend) is thinking you need to change to be OK (for example- you need to change how important your animals are to you) then maybe you need to examine the vailidity of their concern, and then if you rationally decide that what they feel needs changing enriches your life and does not have harmful side effects (ie- you are able to handle caring for the number of animals you have, and you are able to maintain other interests, feed yourself, hold down a job or keep up with your studies, have friends, etc) then I think it's really time to think about whether that persons opinion should matter very much to you.

Because if you aren't happy about the change, you are going to resent changing for this person at some point down the road. And if you don't change and this person stays with you, they are going to end up resenting you for not changing down the road...

Part of being young is having the opportunity to find someone who you can be comfortable and compatible with. There are still plenty of single ladies out there around your age to search through to find one that you can be comfortable and compatible with.

On the other hand if the activity is having negative side effects (no time for other interests, difficulty financially or keeping up with studies, most of your dates consist of cleaning cages and feeding worms, etc) then you should probably seriously consider cutting back on that activity and thank your girl friend for bringing it to your attention.

 

[dom1959]

Thats rough man. I know this is not what you want to hear, but maybe its time to find another lady who shares more in common with you. My girlfriend and I live together and both have chameleons. We spend a lot of time together working with and keeping our chameleons. If anything it has made our relationship better. Maybe its time for a change....

agree!
i have a great relationship now, long story short i left when faced with your choice.