Social Phobia

NewOwner

NewOwner

New Member
I have social phobia... and i dont know what to do about it, :confused: its getting annoying, im always trying not to make a mistake and not to get embaressed. :mad: Its really tiring when i have to think about everything i do and say to people so i dont say something wrong and feel bad, or be embarresed...

I also have a verrrry big guilty conscience :cool:
 
Theres Probly a "Social Phobics Anonymous", but there all too afraid to meet up!!! :D
Simply feel good about yourself, You are good person! :)
 
I suppose you can grow up, take a chance and a engage in conversations. Nobody is against you. What do you have to loose?
 
Minihuey said:
I suppose you can grow up, take a chance and a engage in conversations. Nobody is against you. What do you have to loose?
Click to expand...

I do engage in convorsations, im just really afraid of making a mistake and embaressing myself... like say... when someones telling me how to do something, to get something, there telling me where something is.. ill ask quite a few questions so i dont screw up. and when i do screw up, its embaressing...

so i looked this up and found that i have social phobia.
 
NewOwner said:
I do engage in convorsations, im just really afraid of making a mistake and embaressing myself... like say... when someones telling me how to do something, to get something, there telling me where something is.. ill ask quite a few questions so i dont screw up. and when i do screw up, its embaressing...

so i looked this up and found that i have social phobia.
Click to expand...

The best solutions is to become funny. Dont be afraid to make fun of yourself. My only advice for you
 
I think it is a product of your age. I used to be terribly shy...People that know me now would think that is a joke! It is normal to be worried about how you come accross to other people. :)
 
You're only human. We all make mistakes and get embarrassed. It's part of life. Ask yourself, Is it going to matter tomorrow, or next week what happened today? In the long run, probably not. Just be yourself, and if you goof up, goof up! Life's too short to not interact with others. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Dwell on the positive. Peace.
 
This all depends on how sever the condition is. Some need counseling and some don't. I would work on why you're so insecure that what ever you say is an embarrassment. Start slow. Arrange a movie night with a few friends once a week. Try to pick people that you truly enjoy to be with but have found yourself not contacting them in a while. Be honest and let them know what you're working on so they can be supportive.

Good luck,

Luis
 
I has what would now be diagnosed as "social anxiety disorder" - stagefright in all social situations. I was afraid to be in public, talki n front of groups, even hang out with more than one friend at once.

From middle school through high school to early college. Keepin tree-lizards didn't help with my socialization, mind you.

It started to subside because I was FORCED to hang out with people that were very outgoing andtype A. Basically, I would hang out with my friend John, which was fine. But then we'd all hang out wiht his friends (the rest of the NCSU wrestling team), and I pretty much lost my shyness against my will.

It takes time.
 
Levi,


I have Anxiety and Panic Disorder. A good portion of it is created by unreal expectations of myself and others. I set the bar too high at times and create my own failure. There is a neat little saying that I like to follow when I get wrapped up in perfection and unreal expectations. The phrase; "Expect less, get more". It is something that everyone can benefit from. We will always make mistakes, but it's the messages that you give yourself internally that will determine how it makes you feel. The use of "Negative Self Talk" is what is going to keep you in that uncomfortable place.

Believe it or not, most of us are negative thinkers, and we do it without even realizing it. We are a some of our own thoughts. We can change the way we think, and intern change the way we feel. It takes time and a lot of practice, but is possible.


Keep you head up Levi, your a very likeable, and good person. Take it slow, and gradually expose yourself to situations where you can engage in social activity. Try hanging out with a friend one on one, then add a 3rd person by stopping by a friends house for 10-15mins to chat. Each time you practice this excise, try and stay a bit longer then the previous time. When you feel more comfortable and confident, add another friend and so on. The key is to take it slow and counter your negative thoughts, with positive ones. Going into a situation saying..." I am going to make a fool of myself and I know I am going to stutter when I talk" is more then likely going to cause you to do just that! Instead tell your self "I may make mistakes, but that’s ok, I am going to talk to some of my friends, and if I begin to feel uncomfortable, I can always excuse myself". Going into the situation with that state of mind will help you overcome your phobia. Another key to your overcoming that fear of social situations is by talking about it with those who are around you. It's ok, and you will probably find out that a few of your friends and family members that have gone or are going through the same situation. When they know what your going through and how it makes you feel, they will be understanding and a lot of the embarrassment and fear will subside.


-Jay
 
Malicious said:
Levi,


I have Anxiety and Panic Disorder. A good portion of it is created by unreal expectations of myself and others. I set the bar too high at times and create my own failure. There is a neat little saying that I like to follow when I get wrapped up in perfection and unreal expectations. The phrase; "Expect less, get more". It is something that everyone can benefit from. We will always make mistakes, but it's the messages that you give yourself internally that will determine how it makes you feel. The use of "Negative Self Talk" is what is going to keep you in that uncomfortable place.

Believe it or not, most of us are negative thinkers, and we do it without even realizing it. We are a some of our own thoughts. We can change the way we think, and intern change the way we feel. It takes time and a lot of practice, but is possible.


Keep you head up Levi, your a very likeable, and good person. Take it slow, and gradually expose yourself to situations where you can engage in social activity. Try hanging out with a friend one on one, then add a 3rd person by stopping by a friends house for 10-15mins to chat. Each time you practice this excise, try and stay a bit longer then the previous time. When you feel more comfortable and confident, add another friend and so on. The key is to take it slow and counter your negative thoughts, with positive ones. Going into a situation saying..." I am going to make a fool of myself and I know I am going to stutter when I talk" is more then likely going to cause you to do just that! Instead tell your self "I may make mistakes, but that’s ok, I am going to talk to some of my friends, and if I begin to feel uncomfortable, I can always excuse myself". Going into the situation with that state of mind will help you overcome your phobia. Another key to your overcoming that fear of social situations is by talking about it with those who are around you. It's ok, and you will probably find out that a few of your friends and family members that have gone or are going through the same situation. When they know what your going through and how it makes you feel, they will be understanding and a lot of the embarrassment and fear will subside.


-Jay
Click to expand...

Thanks alot jay, that really helps..

I usually hang out with 3 maybe 4 people at once, but then when theres like 7 or 8, like there sometimes is, im afraid to talk cause everyones looking at me, and paying attention to me, and if i mess up its in front of everyone.. and it gets embaressing..

so now i just hangout with 2 or 3 people at once.. even at school.

i think this is one of the reasons i started guitar / bass. i was afraid to hangout with my friends once cause they were hangin out with a group of 20+ walking to the store to watch a fight, i decided to stay back, and seen a teacher playin guitar, i started he taught me '7 nation army' which was easy.. i learnt it in that 20 minutes! then just kept playing, bought my own guitar, then moved to bass :)

I dunno, i feel wierd though that im not that confident talkin in front of people.. i dont stutter, i just sometimes say the wrong word, which gets embaressing cause i feel like a mental case LOL. when this happens im like, WTF. whyd you say that? christ, think...

i geuss i should think, 'eff it, everyone makes mistakes, laugh with them'

My 'Stepdad' i call him, my moms boyfriend, once said, "were not laughing at you, were laughing with you, you just forgot to." :) That helped me quite a lot! made me laugh, and just think about laughing at my self.. not get laughed at.

This social phobia has helped me quite a lot though.. not drinkin / smokin / drugs.

Im afraid to drink with people cause i would embaress myself more, or MAYBE it would help me? i just wouldnt be afraid anymore, then id keep drinking, which i would then have changed 1 problem into another one. atlease social phobia i dont have to pay for like alcohol.

So ive never tryed alcohol.

weed / other drugs, 1 of my stoner friends told me its good, and makes you forget, while your high... but then when im not high i would have the problem again, and have less money.

So i havent tryed weed.

Cigarettes are just gross, and even then when i go for a smoke outside a store or whatever, theres gonna be other smokers there, which would be uncomfortable.

Ill just keep thinking of those phrases/sayings when i get embaressed or anything.... expect less get more... ive been told that lots :) my mom told me if you expect nothing when you go there (to work or something) and you get something, youll be way happy. but if you go there expecting lots, and get little to none, youll be bummed.


Thanks jay..

-Levi
 
Levi,

There is no magical drug or pill thats going to make it go away over night. It's going to take time and practice, and I am more then sure you can overcome your fear. The use of drugs and alcohol are like "band aids" they may get your through the night, but the problem will still be there when they wear off.

I used to drink like a fish a few years back, and I mean alot...12-18 beers a night, I liked being drunk more then being sober, because it allowed me to escape reality and the anxiety. I had created my own prison with my state of mind. I was afraid of what others would think if I fell anything short of pissing excellence. I used alcohol as a crutch, and it just brought more heart ache in the long run.

One day I decided enough was enough, people will still like me even though I make mistakes, I am slowly killing myself trying to be someone I am not. In life Levi theres going to be about 60% of people that are going to like you no matter what, 30% that can go either way, and 10% who will not care for you no matter what you do. All to often we work on that 10%, and care more about what they think then the other 90%. You need to focus your time and energy on the 90% that matters. As soon as you accept this way of thinking your life will be much easier. You can't please everyone, your are you, and should not have to jump through hoops to make and keep friends. People will like you for who you are, if then don't let them go. Life is to precious to waste, sweating on the small stuff.

You wanna try someting interesting....


The average person has over 300 negative thoughs a day, thats like one every 5 mins. Get your self a small notebook and pencil and carry it in your pocket. Every time you have a negative thought... "Man I hate school, I don't wanna go", write it down. Do that for one week. You will be suprized how many you actually have! The following week do the same, as well as writing down a thought to counter the negative...(negative: "Man I hate school, I don't wanna go"), (Positive counter: "I know shcool is not my favorite, but I am going to go, get my work done, and will make the most of it. I might even meet a interesting new person") Once you start countering the negative thoughts, you will find you can stop them before they even become a complete thought. Practice this method for a month or so, tell your buddies to try it with you. Don't be embarassed pulling that pad out to use it, if anyone ask simply tell them your doing an experiment, or writing lyrics for a new song your working on.:)


I did this for 3 months straight, I filled up more 3.5"x5" notebooks then I care to count. It was tuff at first, and alot of my entries were "Man..I hate writting in this stupid book"...hehe:D Really shows how negative I was...eh..?As time passed I found myself writting less and less and was becoming a more positive person, and it was opening new doors for me all over. I still carry one in my pocket, I use it from time to time, but I really like to go back to my first note book and see how much I have changed, most of the entries are quite laughable...;)

Before you leave the house in the morning take a sec to look in the mirrior and tell your self... " I am a good person, and am worthy of respect from others, and most importantly myself. I choose the thoughts I entertain, I am going to make it a good day".:)



There is a battle between two Wolves that goes on in our heads everyday. One of them is great, and represents everything positive, kind, caring, respectful, and smart. The other one is represents everything evil, hurtful, misleading, and is full of bitterness.....




Which one wins you ask......??


Thats simple.... The one we feed....;)


-Jay
 
Jay, you just became my new favorite person. What you just wrote was so insightful and so inspirational, I'm literally sitting here with tears in my eyes.

I'm going to buy a notebook tomorrow.

Levi - It sounds like you fall into the same negative thought patterns as I do. I can't add much to what Jay has said, but someone once told me that I'm being my own bully, putting myself down all the time.

Don't be your own bully. If you mess up; learn from it, laugh at it, then let it go.

-Suzanne
 
Malicious said:
Levi,

There is no magical drug or pill thats going to make it go away over night. It's going to take time and practice, and I am more then sure you can overcome your fear. The use of drugs and alcohol are like "band aids" they may get your through the night, but the problem will still be there when they wear off.

I used to drink like a fish a few years back, and I mean alot...12-18 beers a night, I liked being drunk more then being sober, because it allowed me to escape reality and the anxiety. I had created my own prison with my state of mind. I was afraid of what others would think if I fell anything short of pissing excellence. I used alcohol as a crutch, and it just brought more heart ache in the long run.

One day I decided enough was enough, people will still like me even though I make mistakes, I am slowly killing myself trying to be someone I am not. In life Levi theres going to be about 60% of people that are going to like you no matter what, 30% that can go either way, and 10% who will not care for you no matter what you do. All to often we work on that 10%, and care more about what they think then the other 90%. You need to focus your time and energy on the 90% that matters. As soon as you accept this way of thinking your life will be much easier. You can't please everyone, your are you, and should not have to jump through hoops to make and keep friends. People will like you for who you are, if they don't let them go. I just did that a couple weeks ago.. my 2 best friends, both got boyfriends at the same time, and turned all slutty... im like, eff this, you guys are gross. Life is to precious to waste, sweating on the small stuff. I dont really care what people think about me, i just care about what i think about me, like when i get embaressed in front of people, and stuff like that. i have many people that dont like me because of who i am, what i do, what i like, stuff like that. i dont care about that. i like it, im gonna stay that way, not gonna stop because someone tells me its wierd. like my music. my friend once told me i listen to wierd music (Tool) i told him to listen to it, figure out what there saying, and the messages they say in there songs. he really likes tool now. its not wierd to him :p My problem is about what i think of myself embaressing myself, and how im scared to be with many people, and if i am, i keep my mouth shut, and make sure i dont trip..

You wanna try someting interesting....


The average person has over 300 negative thoughs a day, thats like one every 5 mins. Get your self a small notebook and pencil and carry it in your pocket. Every time you have a negative thought... "Man I hate school, I don't wanna go", write it down. Do that for one week. You will be suprized how many you actually have! The following week do the same, as well as writing down a thought to counter the negative...(negative: "Man I hate school, I don't wanna go"), (Positive counter: "I know shcool is not my favorite, but I am going to go, get my work done, and will make the most of it. I might even meet a interesting new person") Once you start countering the negative thoughts, you will find you can stop them before they even become a complete thought. Practice this method for a month or so, tell your buddies to try it with you. Don't be embarassed pulling that pad out to use it, if anyone ask simply tell them your doing an experiment, or writing lyrics for a new song your working on.:) Im gonna try that. Sounds like fun, and maybe a bit funny. lol a new song im working on :rolleyes: Would be cool! but i dont write lyrics, ive only tried making a bass line to some music. what i do is listen to a song, lets say... 3's and 7's by Queens of the stone age, and i try to make a bassline i think sounds good to the song, like a remix. but anyways, back on topic. i do have lots of negative thoughts like "Why the ___ am i asking people online this question" ... :cool: im Paranoid of what other people think of my actions, i geuss your right, i try to impress to many people... i should just go with the flow.


I did this for 3 months straight, I filled up more 3.5"x5" notebooks then I care to count. It was tuff at first, and alot of my entries were "Man..I hate writting in this stupid book"...hehe:D Really shows how negative I was...eh..?As time passed I found myself writting less and less and was becoming a more positive person, and it was opening new doors for me all over. I still carry one in my pocket, I use it from time to time, but I really like to go back to my first note book and see how much I have changed, most of the entries are quite laughable...;) Go ahead and send me these notebooks :D

Before you leave the house in the morning take a sec to look in the mirrior and tell your self... " I am a good person, and am worthy of respect from others, and most importantly myself. I choose the thoughts I entertain, I am going to make it a good day".:) Looking in the mirror :eek: Terrifying :rolleyes: Kidding. but thats another thing, right now i have long hair, about 7 inches. To explain, i do not like long hair, but i keep a notepad that has a bunch of things i want to do before i die. and a big Mohawk is on it, along with bungee jumping, running with the bulls, and many other things i wanna experience. but the long hair my brother bugs me about and is why i dont go to his house much, atleast til i cut it :p but he made it harder, to be in public with him, he embaressed me.. "Cut your hair! god.." "Nice hair" (Sarcasm). Brotherly Love. But that isnt a big issue, cause scissors and a shaver can fix it whenever i want, but i need to get a mohawk soon, so i can cut it.. hahaha. <-- long story



There is a battle between two Wolves that goes on in our heads everyday. One of them is great, and represents everything positive, kind, caring, respectful, and smart. The other one is represents everything evil, hurtful, misleading, and is full of bitterness.....




Which one wins you ask......??


Thats simple.... The one we feed....;)


-Jay
Click to expand...


thanks alot jay.. do you think it would be a good idea, if i did just go out, get embaressed and get used to it? or take it slow.?
 
Sorry it took so long to respond mate, I have been busy with my girlfriend arriving from Texas.

I would take it at a steady pace, don't try and change it overnight. You don't want to become overwhelmed. The best things in life take time and hard work. You took 9 months right?? ;)

We are creatures of habit, and your body doesn't know the difference between a good habit and a bad one, so why not get addicted to the good stuff (self praise, and a healthy lifestyle).

It's like those fad diets, "lose 15lbs in 10 days" Once you stop.. you put it right back on. Slow progressions are the ones you tend to stick, and it will require more then just one thing to make it a good change. Take for example Bodybuilding.... you don't just lift weights and get big.. You eat clean, move weight, rest, and then grow. If your not eatting right, your just moving weight, and tearing tissue for nothing. No rest or split, your body never has a chance to rebuild what you just tore up, your never going to grow. Take all the supliments in the world, and not work out... your just making expensive piss!;) Take it easy, pace your self, set realistic goals for yourself. Set short term goals and a long term one aswell, ie: I want to be comfortable hanging out with my buds for 15-20 min, then 30-45mins...etc. Achieving small goals keeps you motivated, and focused. Your long term goal should be something like... Feeling comfortable in social settings, able to socialize with just about anyone and most importantly being confident in yourself.

You have nothing but time mate. It takes about 30 days to form a habit, so take it one day at a time. You will look back on this one day and smile and say... "I remember when I was afraid to talk to people...and look at me now...I bet people would wish I would shut up for a change...hahaha.:D

You can do it, and if you need anyhelp you know were all hear to keep you going.... We are part of that 90% mate!:)


-Jay
 
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