My eyes are stinging and red...I tried sleeping but couldn't. It was so upsetting knowing he was just in a box alone. I just walked about the house carrying the box, not knowing where to put him for the rest of the night. I wrapped him in a towel and put a heat block in with him and laid his limbs carefully......isn't it wierd how we deal with this....it's not as if he knows or can feel anything. I need to leave him there until my family come home from work as they don't know yet and this is toture.
I can't close his eyes and regardless of what direction you look at him from, he seems to be staring straight at me....asking ? telling? I can't stop looking at him in the box. Asking myself...Did I do something wrong? Did I not do something right or quick enough ? Could I of prevented this in anyway. Was he going to die anyway or if I had had a spare hot tank ready he could of gone straight in and laid flat would it of changed anything?
In the cold light of day, the automatic morning routine was so painful.....having to disconect his viv from the electrics...no misting and all those locusts who can now fear nothing but me running out of cabbage ! Turning his light and heat off was so symbolic and heartbreaking. Am crying again now just typing this while flicking gaze across to his box. I feel guilty if I leave him alone in an empty room. Bet you all think I am mad.....
Gotta go all through it all again and again when family find out....
Every list of 'safe' plants says passiflora is safe - is this not the case
because if not there are a lot of UK owners that need knowing and the makers of lists advised.
I have been reliving last few days....and do note that the day before ( although didn't seem relevant at the time - should I of done something about it
....that he only seemed comfortably mobile when moving horizontally, was not happy or as confident climbing and was did tend to stay going forward and back along just one branch....I just assumed this was what he wanted to do that day. He was eating and drinking ok, everything was normal but now...now I am blaming myself for not thinking this may of ment something...
Certainly after the regurgitation the first sign was him not being right was trying to get to bed and not able to get up a vine and transfer to another. Actually the branch he had gone to is one he NEVER uses, but on this occasion he climbed down to it and sat there for an hour before turning and trying to climb back up. He almost acted blind because he was feeling for anything to climb onto, grabbing in the dark for something, anything, holding on only by back feet. Unusally he didn't use his tail at all. He ended up desperatly and panickly hanging onto a trailing plant ( again not the norm ) and even took one of his back legs onto it. He had no balance and was wobbly. While hanging onto the branch with just one leg and not using tail he seemed to start to roll sideways, not being able to right himself so just dropped while hanging on with one limb and no tail..started panicking and flailing with front legs and thats when I rushed and caught him before he fell. I am happy that if I hadent done that he would of fallen as wasn't able to stop or protect himself.
He was happy to stay on my hand and climbed along my arm and out of viv, climbing onto and over me for a couple of minutes, climbed up under my chin ( his fav place ) and seemed ok. Then he grasped me with back legs, with a vigor and strength I have never felt...it actually pierced and hurt.
Then he ' calmed ' and closed his eyes ( PANIC ). I immediatly returned to under his heat..onto his basking branch but he didn't try to leave my hand, didn't reach for or try to climb onto it. I gently put him on myself but all his legs hung loosley either side as he rested on his belly. He made no attempt to grasp the branch nor save himself as he rolled off. I took him out again and initiated movement but he kept stopping and rested his head / chin in the palm of my hand and closed eyes again.
Simultainiously (sp ) his limbs stopped working. He could move them himself, as in if I held his legs I got a movement reaction, they wern't paraylised....but he had no strength or grip in them and didn't voluntarily move them.
As each minute passed he got weaker and weaker..closed his eyes more often and for longer and had no interest in moving, just happy to lay down in my hand.
I am questioning myself on everything now...the obvious, the stupid everything...did I thoroughly wash his new hasbiscus before adding....did the stress of adding a new vine have anything to do with it?
One thing I am now aware off now that that might help....the last 2 weeks when he climbed up my arm / chest to get under my chin, when he got there I heard what I interpreted as a baby pretend hiss, just a tiny sound, so sutble I barely noticed and always explainable....was outside in the sun and a bird flew over...in the house and something was present or happening that would explain a half hearted hiss. What I can now say with absolute certainty is that was the noise he made this morning while gasping for breath every 3/4 minutes. Obviously when he was under my chin I couldn't see him only hear...and wasn't alarmed anyway as it sounded like a half hearted hiss but now..after last night...did I miss a massive warning sign of cardiac problems? The effort of climbing to my chin ?
Oh hell, as much as this is theraputic for me to type it is leaving me feeling guilty and irresponsible at possibly missing possible signs.
Oh I don't know.....I just know I am sitting next to his dark empty cage..
The speed....' normal ' to dead in less than 2 hours. This is absolute purgatory.
Thank you for listening...x
