7 Year Itch... Or whatever it is

[kokom05lb]

So... I dont complain much. But today I really need to vent. My husband of 7 years and I are having a tough time. Hes getting out of the Army and going to UTI in Houston, TX. The move and thinking about him getting out is putting a strain on our marriage. Well, actually I've been seeing this happening last year when we got back from deployment. With him getting out we have no way to pay bills... We will be going from 1 monthly income to 0! And its bugging me. He keeps telling me that everything will be fine etc. I dont see that happening.

On top of things we will have to move in with his aunt and uncle til who knows how long. Which is fine if his family wasnt to split us up since oh when our son was born! His parents say that I'm a terrible mom and wife and their son deserves someone better... They put me done everytime we talk. Yell at me if we are visiting. To top it off my husband doesnt support me! So to me its like sleeping on top of a nail bed getting stomped on.

Now the animals are a completely different story. I can see the light of day of re homing my babies. But my husband can care less! It breaks my heart when he tells me I need to re home my dog or send her to my mom. Its like hes trying to send me away.

Dont get me wrong I love my husband and my kids, but dont feel it anymore. I cant see staying around when I have no support and get put down more and more each day! I'm stuck and dont know what to do. My mom thinks that I would be stupid to break it off, my husband doesnt think theres anything bothering me, and my 1 friend thinks I should seperate for a little while.

 

[patrickfraser]

Dont get me wrong I love my husband and my kids, but dont feel it anymore.

Time to move on.

 

[maxttu]

Time to move on.

This is certainly a sad situation and I'm sorry that you're having to go through these emotions.

I sort of agree with Patrick. If you give and give and give and never get back, at some point you need to cash in your remaining chips. If you HONESTLY feel that way and can ADMIT that you're not getting the love back, then that's a lousy, rough way to live.

I don't know you personally, but I believe that you'll do what's best for you and the kids(s)... Good luck!

 

[Trillian]

Woman up and fight for it.

His family are utter idiots, how they managed to produce the man you love is a mystery. Surely his uncle isn't your only option for housing? The military don't help at all?

Letting this go is the easy route, it's not easy, but it's the easiest option. However, then you will be a single parent and will still have to worry about paying for a roof over your head and bills being paid. Better to keep that young man of yours around, he may be useful. He at least keeps your options open, and will stroke your hair in a confused way when you are crying about bills and he has no idea what's going on.

Stating the obvious, have you told him the sorts of things his family has been saying to you and how it makes you feel? He may not realise that it isn't normal to be spoken to like that, and he may not realise that you haven't developed an immunity to it as he seems to have done.

My family are pretty awful and tried to separate my husband and I, but they are horrible to me rather than him. He feels defensive of me, but doesn't feel able to step in because their nitpicking is always concealed in barbed comments and 'helpful' advice, sometimes it takes a while to realise that what they've said is actually pretty nasty. He should be your ally in this, but he may need a cattle prod to get him out of his funk, and realise that he's stepped out of one battlezone and into another.

I'm also incredibly sorry that you are in this situation and having these feelings. As I've said on other threads, I got married at 19 (4 months after we met online), and next week is our 13th wedding anniversary. We've been through awful patches when I was convinced I hated him, and then we were able to work through it and now we are closer than ever, and probably more soppily in love than when we married. The rough patches are what polish your marriage and deepen it, cheesy, but true.

 

[squeekz1992]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way

Have you talked to him and just laid it out there that that is how you are feeling? Or maybe just write him a letter and tell him exactly what you aren't getting and exactly what you want. Use different words too, because if he just hears how mad he makes you he'll shut down
Ex:
It makes me feel unloved when you *insert*
It pisses me off when *insert*

And then lay out what you want him to do instead in the same way.

I'm not married, so this is just how I deal with things with my boyfriend. It works for us so maybe it will work for you?? Like I said, I'm not married, so if this is a stupid idea I'm sorry

I hope it works out for you

 

[kokom05lb]

I've talked t him about it but he doesnt seem to care. He listened to his mom yell at him about me and never said anything or stepped in. They've looked at me like I was a roach on the wall

 

[squeekz1992]

I like Trillian's advise

I really hope you can work this out, either way it goes.

 

[maxttu]

Woman up and fight for it.

We've been through awful patches when I was convinced I hated him, and then we were able to work through it and now we are closer than ever, and probably more soppily in love than when we married. The rough patches are what polish your marriage and deepen it, cheesy, but true.

That's the key. They BOTH have to want the same end result. Talk it out. Fight it out. Work it out. If this fails, you'll then know what to do... Again, good luck.

 

[Decadancin]

Moving, career changes, extended families, no income, pets and kids,... let me get this straight... you're stressed? No kidding! You've put almost all the big argument starters in one thread! Hang in there and when you are told it will be O.K., time will tell. Remember to work on it because it will not get better on its own! I'm sure he is feeling stress also, so make sure you keep that in mind. Hopefully you can start the new arrangement with some boundaries so his family cannot add to your stress level, and hopefully he will be the one to ensure the boundaries are kept. Good luck, and don't decide how you feel during stressful times.

 

[kokom05lb]

Sorry to seem down and everything. I've been trying to push it past me. I've asked why he doesn't defend me and he shrugs and walks away. I keep saying ok things are going to get better. His family will be ok with me being around etc etc. But moving to Houston is right smack dab in the middle of his family. 1 wrong move and they will be jumping down my throat. If I don't get a job as soon as we get there I'll be kicked out of their house alone with all our pets.

 

[MollyT]

I am so sorry you are having these troubles. He really should support you more when it comes to his family. There is no excuse for him not sticking up for you when they treat you like garbage. If you don't feel it anymore, you just don't feel it. Although it is hard to do everything on your own, it is a lot better than struggling along with someone who doesn't support you and makes you feel like crap. Trust me..I've been there. My views may be different than others. I have been married 3 times. I can honestly say, though, that both times before, I knew it wasn't going to last. I just had a gut feeling about it. I have never felt that with my husband. There has never been a single doubt. I think you know when it's not right. You are the only one who knows what is right for you. Just know that whatever you decide, you have people on here that will be there for you. You can always pm me if you need anything. I have pretty much been through it all. Probably another reason I feel older than my actual age! ha I hope you can find a solution that you are comfortable with. When it comes down to it, you just have to do what's best for you and your kids. Things don't always work out perfectly, but you can be happy and you can stick up for yourself. Those things you can control! Best of luck to you and I'm here if you need it!