Thoughts on Bullying.

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I know i have made threads like this before but im really interested to see what everyone's opinion on bullying is.

I am currently in a bullying situation and as much as i shouldn't care...i go home being very depressed. Read ahead more details.

For 7 years i have been called "gay" at school just because i tend to have more girl friends then guy friends.I I tend to fit in more with the girls. Which i don't see how is a problem until this year. I have finally made a couple new guy friends this year but i cant say we are close friends.

Im in 8th grade now and the name calling has been decreasing but i always have this one ******* that is on my back. His name is Lorenzo.

He tends to talk a great amount of very horrible things about me to other people. But some of those people are my friends and come tell me. I have been letting him get away with it because at first i wouldn't care....but yesterday i couldn't just hold myself in. I just bursted. I told him after math class that if he wanted to say anything..to say it to my face.
I then told him that i wont fight him because id rather not touch him as he wont ever learn. But at least now he realizes im sick of his junk. Everyone at school is saying that i should fight him but id rather not get into a fight at school. Dont want to aggravate and stress my parents out even more.

My opinion on why people like Lorenzo do this, is because they don't feel good about themselves. They may be insecure about themselves, jealous of others, very ignorant, or were raised being snotty.
 

jojackson

New Member
I dont know if you read my post in the last thread like this you posted, since you didnt make a response, but read that, save me retyping. :)
 

Ace

Avid Member
it really depends, when the person is the "bully", it can be any or all of the above from what you listed this "lorenzo" kid acts thid way

it can be from insecurity, trying to get approval from the others, trying to be the "top dog" and be high and mighty...


As for me, well in elementary and middle school, i was always the very tall and the very BIG kid....everyone was nice to me, but what surprised me is that they were surprised i was NICE to them...after i made friends, they admitted that they judged me at a first like I was a bully...

and to be honest having the knowledge and power to manipulate poeple is something not every kid lets go

i did the right thing, and just brushed it off, and being a easy going and not bully poeple

while some big kids take advantage of that and use it to their own pleasure.


now heres the thing...DONT EVER LET IT GET TO YOU, :cool:

FOR ALL HE KNOWS YOU ARE JUST AWSOME WITH THE LADIES, "PLAYER:cool:"

AND IF HE WAS A REAL MAN, HE WOULD HANG OUT WITH JUST AS MANY GIRLS AS YOU:cool:"

lol next time he gives you beef, just tell him " hey you need help talking to the ladies? " lmao

goodluck Stephan, and honestly dont worry about it,

you need your awsome skills in highschool;):cool:
 

Olimpia

Biologist & Ecologist
Who knows why people get fixated on other people and just pick on them and talk about them all day long. Most likely he is insecure or jealous or a mix of something. I got teased in school a lot when I was younger, mainly because I have an unusual name but I think now that it's because I am blonde/blue-eyed, which is really unusual in Spain, so it could have been a case of jealousy. This kid could just be jealous that you hang out with lots of girls while he probably can't get a single girl to notice him.

I know it's enfuriating but really the only thing you can do is ignore it. If he's doing it in class you can talk to that teacher so they're a little more ontop of it. Or talk to him one day and just find out calmly what his problem is.

What I learned from high school is that people are still stupid lol It wasn't until I got to college that I finally met people worth knowing. Too many of your class mates are still just little immature kids.
 

Julirs

New Member
Here is my take on it:

Lorenzo is never going to be able to hold a job, or at least not a good one. He will suffer miserably in life or end up in jail. Your job is to treat EVERYONE like you want to be treated or IGNORE THEM. Your job is also to have fun, hand with your friends, and be happy-you have alot to be happy about. Getting along with other people is becoming a lost art, and I have to deal with it everyday in people from 20-60 years of age.
 
Jackson i didnt really like that last comment. :rolleyes:

Olimpia- you are completely correct. i will try tomorrow to just talk to him calmly. :D

Juli- I love the way you think :)
 

jojackson

New Member
Jackson i didnt really like that last comment.
What??? "Dont be seen with Rango?" Oh your poor precious sensitive child, Im beginning to see where your problems are coming from! Seriously!
I bet you didnt read the comment on your last 'poor me' thread did you?

Sometimes A freindly Fatherly word is best, sometimes Boys just need a good boot up the arse. If that upsets you, you'll be whimpering in a bloody corner by the time your 20. Grow a pair Son! :)

https://www.chameleonforums.com/just-need-vent-54271/

Me said:
Stefan,
By pure co-incidence, I too 'spat the dummy' (lost my cool) just this morning,
so I can relate, and as is my nature, my response is going to be honest
and realistic.

Parents, teachers, adults in general will have you beleive that we are above
emotion, that maturity means denying what it is to be human, for the general good.
We have our kids beleive that losing your cool and 'giving in to anger' , frustration etc is
somehow weakness that must be overcome in order to grow, to become mature.

We do this for many reasons, mostly because once we are adults, our lives
become rather complicated. If you lose your cool with a really annoying
work mate, you can lose your job, which leads to lots of serious problems for you, for example.
We also do this because we want to protect our kids from lifes often harsh realities
as long as possible, because quite honestly, and more simply, adult life can suck.

While things we tell you are for most part sensible, such as 'violence is not the answer'
(its scary and you can get hurt, nobody likes it) never the less, reality is often a different story.
Nobody wants their son/daughter hurt at school for example. Unfortunately, because we
adopt such thinking in the adult world, we tend to forget that its very different for kids.
Once, we had a very different outlook, a simpler and more realistic one, and it worked.

Without going on forever, life became more complicated and we did our best
to adapt and improve, but like our kids, we made and continue to make mistakes,
both as people and as parents. A look around you today at the increasing violence and loss of control, will tell any kid with half a brain, we've made plenty of mistakes.

Life for kids today is a very different scene than we and our folks were at school,
its much more complicated and alot harder than we had it. Kids today face all kinds of problems
that we never did, and that we, as a whole, are responsible for.
We adults tend to grumble and whinge about 'todays kids' and how much better we were,
but the ugly truth is, we were not.

Things were simpler for us, we forget that. Adults are much bigger kids, we get angry,
frustrated, afraid and so on, and we make no secret of it, except to our own kids!
Kids see it everyday, adults make all the same mistakes kids do.
For adults though, the consequences are much greater, this is what we want to protect you from
with what is essentially, hypocrasy.

Some things have not, nor will ever change, for example, bullies at school.
This is part of life that everyone learns to deal with, each in their own way,
sometimes, not at all. You find adults, who are still bullies, and those who are still victims.

I too had my share of bullies like yours when I was at school, and for the longest time
I tried hard to obey my folks remonstrations to ignore it, dob to teachers etc etc
Ofcourse, It simply didnt work. Eventually it got too much, human nature came to party
and took its natural course.

One day while being bullied, shoved about, even punched by my bully, and jeered by his moron cowardly mates, something inside me said, 'no more, enough'.
I turned and hit him in the face as hard as i could, splitting his lip and knocking him on his butt.
To my surprise, and certainly to his, those jeering mates, suddenly became my cheering mates.
Glen, that was his name, wasnt expecting that!

Glen didnt fight back, perhaps he was too shocked (lucky for me, he was a big kid )
but he did find a new respect for this skinny wimpy kid who hit back, and we later actually became
freinds.

My own daughters do home schooling now, due violence in our highschools, but in primary (elementary) I openly advised them to hit back, and hard, regardless of consequence and it worked for both of them.

I must be responsible though and tell you that I am not advocating YOU do so, because your schools are much more violent (kids with knives and guns) this sadly is no longer an option.
But what you did is a less dangerous but hopefully effective version.
What I mean to tell you though Stefan, is that passively accepting such crap, is not an option, less you grow up to become an adult victim.

Never allow anyone to intimidate you, no matter how big, ugly or scary they may be. Weak (minded or emotionally) people feel they need to intimidate others to feel better about themselves.
Often these folk secretly have major self image issues and low self esteem. While this should not be an excuse, it will help you to recognise this.

Simply put, you need to try to think smarter, find a clever stragedgy to avoid dangerous confrontations. Honesty and openess and lots of sublety will serve you well in this regard your whole life long. One great way to deal with an enemy, is to make him a freind instead.
You will need to be clever to acheive this more often than not, but it is possible.

Dont misunderstand, keep in mind, never allow yourself to be intimidated, just becoming a syncophant (suck up) wont work, be firm but kindly.
This is probly one of the very hardest life lessons for anyone to learn. You are making progress.
Hang in there mate, school life seems unending, but one fine day, you come out the other side and the rest of your life begins.

Best wishes always, stay safe!
 
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Syn

Avid Member
Bye Jojackson. :rolleyes:
You asked for advice on an open forum, expect a grand variety of replies. You can't expect everyone to feel the way you want them too.
Your thread title does say "Thoughts on Bullying." not "What I want to hear about your thoughts on bullying."

To each his own, hm?

I hope your bullying problem clears up. If anything, laugh with them, it might confuse them enough to get them to leave you alone. If not, *shrug*..
 
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chameleonneeds

Avid Member
TBH a good a$$ kicking can do some good, he will think twice about doing anything if he gets owned...If I were there I would do it for you...

A calm talk wont get you much further, you need to lay down the law.

Its a good thing your good with the girls, hes probably jealouse because of this. Take advantage of his weakness.

It may sounds brutal the way I put it but it has to be done...

South Africans are just quite agro...but you need to sort your problem out properley.
But I dont think you can get in much trouble if you sort him out right? In S.A you have to think wisely about what your doing, you could be messing with someone in a gang that will kill you for a cellphone..so always be smart

Good luck
 

fluxlizard

Avid Member
Hey stefan-

I'm actually siding more with jojackson.

I was in a very similar situation to yours in school- probably 10x moreso because I was incredibly shy as a kid, got up at 5am everyday to go to a religious indoctrination class before school everyday, feared authority as a result of the kind of religious upbringing and home environment I had, took old-style antihistamines because I was allergic to our school and my nose would run if I didn't and over the counter was my parents solution to the problem, so I was groggy all the time and looked sloppy with messy hair and clothing- the result of too much antihistamine and too early getting up in the mornings and rushing off to religious class first thing, I was a skinny and kind of clumsy kid, and I was about 15 years ahead of my time with my obsessive interest in lizards and a few other things like lord of the rings.

I was bullied constantly, and called gay in a time and place where it was probably 10x worse than today where gayness is accepted(I was actually very interested in girls but too shy to act on it until college), knocked about, pranked, generally harrassed and ridiculed on a daily basis.

It got better after I finally decided in 11th grade in order for me to respect myself I was going to have to stand up for myself and be prepared to get physical even if it meant getting beaten up.

And the first time doing this, get beaten up badly I did- LOL- I verbally took up for myself, made it clear that I would physically do the same by my body language, and then the bully grabbed me around my neck, put me in a headlock while my body turned to jelly and I went into shock and then he proceded to bash my face with his fist repeatedly for about a minute before dumping me bloodied on the floor and walking away. Nothing was broken and I survived and discovered I could live through it, although my face was a mess for a couple of weeks. So I tried standing up to a bully again not long after. The next time I knew what to expect, didn't go into shock, and didn't turn to jelly. This time I dished it out a bit as well as took it in, and long story short, after the fight was broken up and we were punished, the bully ended up being very friendly to me from then on (can't say I ever cared for him, but seems some humans are only happy after they have established where we all are in the pecking order, much like lizards) and nobody physically messed with me or verbally abused me to my face again. It wasn't all happy ever after- stuff was still said behind my back, but it was much less and I didn't have to be afraid any more. Best of all, I could respect myself and knew I could stand up for what was right not only for myself but for others around me.

Before that, I tried to fool myself into thinking I had self-respect, but really until I decided I had a right to exist as myself and to stand up for myself, I didn't comprehend what self-respect meant or how it felt.

You are on the right road standing up for yourself verbally.
But in my opinion comments like you won't fight because you don't want to touch him will make a bully feel you are intimidated and afraid. Just let him know indirectly that you are not intimidated, maybe make a funny crack back at him like "Is that the best you can come up with? You must be a genius to have thought that one up. I'll bet nobody ever thought to say that to someone before." Or whatever and leave it at that. Don't try to explain why you aren't going to fight. It will only come across as a cop-out and will make the bully feel you are an easy target.

I think standing up for oneself is seen differently these days than when I was a kid. Now it seems they want kids to believe that fighting is always wrong and that you should always go to an authority figure with a problem. In my humble opinion, I think the old way is better- the old way is to learn to stand up for oneself, and to accept the consequences whatever they may be. The new way teaches you that you are powerless and weak and require assistance to overcome difficulty and makes it impossible for you to respect yourself enough to protect or assert yourself. The old way teaches you to stand for yourself and what is right in spite of possible consequences and the result is a respect for oneself and self-esteem. The old way is more difficult because it involves changing oneself to overcome difficulty. But the results are more empowering.

You have to make up your own mind which way is right for you, but I think you can find peace with things if you consider carefully what action you will take to improve your situation with bullies and why, and then act according to your belief, accepting the consequences for acting, whether you decide to be more passive, get authority figures involved, or stand up for yourself- you can find peace no matter which you choose even if it means letting the bullies continue, but only if your action lines up with what you truly feel deep down is right, and only if you feel it demonstrates respect for yourself.

Joe is right too about the picture- it's a fun photo, and those of us who are friendly to you will think so too, but if you are flashing stuff like that around school then it's really just an invitation to a bully. He isn't saying it to be mean, he's trying to save you from more grief by encouraging you to look at how you present yourself from the point of view of the bullies causing you problems.

Think about this most of all-

In the end you cannot change someone else. Only the bully can change himself. But you can change what you are doing, in an attempt to get a different result. Or you can change yourself inside, so your interpretation of what is happening to you changes. So, if you aren't happy with how you are being treated, the only thing that will help that is to either change yourself so that you are happy with it (ie- become gandhi-like and passively resist while asserting yourself, firm in your conviction that fighting is wrong, or become jesus like and turn the other cheek and have faith that you are doing the right thing and being an example so that your tormentors have a change of heart someday after considering what they do to you, or become more assertive or change yourself by joining wrestling team or something), or you can try changing how you deal with the situation (be creative and try different approaches until you get the result you want- get school administration and parents involved, or try snappier comebacks - think some up ahead of time, or try shocking your tormentor with a kind act, or do what I did and stand up and back it up if things get physical, change your image- ask your gal pals out on casual dates one at a time, nothing serious, but enough to put the gay thing to a rest.).

There is no one size fits all answer. The only answer is change. Possibly not what you have been trained to hear, again to change oneself is the old way, the new way is to accept who we are. I think the old way once again is better- it involves hard work, introspection, thoughtfulness, and results in self respect and empowerment. The new way encourages us to feel helpless and weak and unable to change to control our situation.

Just food for thought, take it or leave it. I think all of us here on this thread care about you and wish you the best- jojackson included. You asked for advice so we are giving you the best we have to give you.
 
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PedroANDAshley

New Member
What Jo said is exactly right. My dad gave me advice like this when I was young have trouble in school. He told me things like if they start it , you finish it and never get stared down stare right back at them. Maybe the advice wasn't the ideal parental advice, like go tell an adult or be the bigger person, but it worked. All the boys in my neighborhood would pick on me and I'd fight them and instead of being known as Ashley the tatty teller, I'm known as the one that gave them all scars! After a couple fights they stopped picking on me and I guess you can say respected me, became friends, and now that were older and more mature we look back on it and laugh. There are also a lot of other incidents where I got into fight "won" and ended up being "respected". I'm not saying to go pound this kids teeth in. I guess I'm trying to say don't ever take anything from anyone. A lot of times kids like that don't learn from other more mature kids "being the bigger person".
 

jojackson

New Member
Actually I was only Kidding about the Rango pic, I don't care less, I understand its just fun, I don't think that makes him a wuss, I was just being funny to cheer him up, unfortunately he didn't perceive that. :)
I already asked him to read what I quoted, theres my advice.
He's a young bloke, what can you do? He's a smart Kid, he'll sort it out! :)
 
Syn- Im not gonna even argue.
Fluxlizard- I really appreciate what you said the most of of everyone elses responses and i took all that you said into consideration.

Jojackson- Your thought on bullying is great. But the comment after that wasnt necessary. SYN may have stated i did in fact ask for thoughts on bullying but i didnt need smart a** comments. I am sensitive and that can be a bad thing for me.

I have been dealing with a great amount of idiots this week then i ever have.
When i said "bye" its just that id rather not argue on a thread and when i have other things to worry about.

Thank you to the few understandable people.
 

Syn

Avid Member
Hey Stefan, that's life - and I wasn't arguing. You will have to deal with smart ass comments and idiots your whole life - that won't change. It's best to get it done and over with now and learn how to deal with that now versus later on in life so you aren't left behind.

"understandable" or those with the same belief? :\

ttfn
 

Ace

Avid Member
flux, syn, and jojackson are right

the world you will grow up to may not have support for you when you need it,

sometimes you have to support yourself....

and being sensitive isnt per se a bad thing, whats bad is not able to control your feelings,

for instance interpretation is key, understanding is also....

you really need take those advice from the poeple you may not agree with GREAT consideration, you need different points of view to be able to handle different people

and to aslo generally be a stable young man...

out of all the humor and what you might consider crass, crude ,and overall blunt is whats necessary

sometimes being blunt is more inmportant than being considerate if it helps get the point across of what really matters...

you have to rely on yourself if you ever want to live indepently and face the world with out being a burden to anyone else...be your own person your own man

thats all i have to say and hope you will do more thinking than ignoring when you see this thread and read the posts made over and over again and really get to know what each person is trying to say...
 
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